Service Oriented Dating?

I might be becoming more and more mormon, and maybe that's not bad thing. In fact, it isn't a bad thing. To be honest it had never occurred to me to put service and dating together, probably having something to do with the fact that I'm incredibly selfish. and to avoid plagiarism, the concept of service in dating isn't mine. I've heard it from several sources over the past few weeks, a fireside, in elders quorum, and from a friend. Each time it clicked a little more.

If you know me well you know I listen to motivational stuff all the time. I recently picked up a gem from Tony Robbins, Entering a relationship should not be based on what the other person provides, or can give you, it must be motivated instead by what you can give to them. I like that for one reason in particular it gives me all the reason I need to work harder to become a better person.

I am blessed to be surrounded by many people who are better than me in many ways. Although it can be hard noticing my inadequacies, I cherish these relationships because as I emulate their behavior I get closer and closer to becoming a good guy. When i say a 'good guy' what I mean is this: when I'm not around and people are talking about me, I want people to be able to say, yeah, I know Scott, he's a good guy.

So, with that in mind, I'm gonna change my approach to dating... just a little.   

Road Bikes: embracing spandex with open arms

During my mission I biked a ton, spanish missionaries in memphis tennessee had a lot of ground to cover, we biked 20 plus miles a day on a regular basis. I kept that bike and started biking in provo up the canyon. Great ride. When I wanted to go a little further it got to the point where little things started adding up gym shorts just weren't cutting it. But I said to myself, spandex is pretty gay. Then I did 40 miles I bought some bike shorts the next day. I felt exposed wearin those puppies, I kid you not, I would look outside to make sure no one was looking, I'd double time it down the stairs and get off my street as fast as my reduced friction legs would carry me. Flash forward to now: I have fully embraced the bike short mentality. The way I feel about bike shorts now followed the path that a general authority used to describe sin. At first you're repulsed by the thought, then you dabble with the idea, you try it out, then you embrace it.

I have fully embraced my bike shorts. And I'm not the only one. I'm one of five in my weekly biking group. Yes, we have a group, a secret combination, we have other clandestine activities, but one difference between us and other groups of ill repute is that we do our dirty work in broad daylight. And although it may be wrong... it just feels so right   

The Lost art of Straightforward Communication

The art of being straightforward seems to be a craft on its death bed. Why the dramatics? Don't you find it odd that we, as a society, describe people who are straightforward as refreshing (or something like that). As in "it's nice (refreshing) that she's so up front about things". Why would you use the terms like nice and refreshing in reference to something that should be considered normal. It's refreshing because that's the way communication should be, and upon experiencing it we find it to be "better than usual".

The problem with straight-forward communication is that we leave ourselves emotionally vulnerable to a number of responses: rejection and misunderstanding OR understanding and acceptance. I feel like we often avoid voicing our thoughts to others to keep our life clear of the first two, at the expense of the others. So crippled by this fear we can develop lots of superficial relationships.

So why not put yourself out there a little more, break out of that shell every once in a while? Because fear is tough to beat. But being religious has it's perks, I know that I can crush my fear if I have faith in myself and faith in God that he'll have my back when things get too intense.

So say what you feel, the more you do it the better you'll get at  it (I'm not that good yet). But don't misuse this advice, you don't need to tell everyone your problems and do your best to make everyone feel horrible for you... In biology that's what they call parasitism.  But sharing your problems in a healthy way can build relationships. Being sincere and expressive is an impressive combination. Give meaningful compliments when they come to mind. It sounds nice, but it's tough to break the 'thug life' emotional mentality, that's girls and guys, pretending you're aloof and don't give a !@#$ gets you nothing worth having. It really doesn't, speaking, of course, from my extensive experience.